Lately, I’ve been into this one girl.
We’ve dated before a while back for sometime. Nothing really broke us apart. The reason why we broke up is because she was having some personal problems and she didn’t want me to worry about her and she didn’t want me to drag her into her problems. I completely understood her reasons for us to split up. She also told me that there may be another chance and try again when everything is okay with her life , my life, and also school.
This girl has been my friend for many years. And ever since I first lay eyes on her, I liked her. Feelings varied every now and then, but I just never stopped crushing on her. It’s been about 3 years. Yet, I’ve liked her ever since.
The first time we dated, I felt like I finally did what I wanted long ago. I finally did it. I’m dating this wonderful girl who used to be my best friend. It was one of the most happiest time of my life. This is in the top of my list for happiest time in my life. Anyways, I pretty much enjoyed spending time with her. I loved the time she surprised me. She bought me a giant chocolate covered strawberry! It was really sweet. Both the thought into the strawberry and the strawberry itself. I considered myself lucky because it was the first time in a long time someone surprised me with something. I loved it. I miss that time. We would plan stuff out like going to a Texans’ game and other fun stuff. I would do anything to get back with her and be happy again and do all the cute things we planned on doing.
But, once my sophomore year started, I couldn’t even talk to her. I was FROZEN! I thought she hated me or something. I don’t know what’s keeping me away from her. Then I realized I fell for her again. I don’t know what it is that keeps me attached to her, but, damn it, it’s keeping me on her.
It’s complicated. We text, but we don’t talk in real life. Mainly, that’s my fault. As the guy, I’m expected to do the first move. I want to, but I just can’t. I can’t even talk to her. I can talk to other female friends fine, without a problem. Hell, I even complement what they’re wearing to be nice. I was going to compliment this girl on this scarf she was wearing and then tell her that I have a scarf with the same color scheme. That’s how I usually make conversations. But when it comes to HER. Ooooh, I can’t even move.
I’m afraid that if I go talk to her, I will say something stupid and do something stupid. Even though that’s how I’ve approached her before with no problems. I used to trip on myself while going up to her, stutter, say the wrong pronunciation of words and I still kept the conversation going.
Recently, she told me that she doesn’t feel the same way as I do right now. I then told her (by text, of course) that, “if not right now, then another time, right”? She said maybe. I took that maybe as a window of opportunity. Then I took it upon myself to wait until she’s ready. I don’t care if it takes months, I will wait.
There’s a little quote I remember from the Disney movie “Hercules” (I think). It said, “people always do crazy things when they’re in love.” I think it’s true. I’m willing to wait for her. Call me stupid, call me crazy, but dammit I’m going to do it.
She said that we will still go to a Texans game, go skating, shopping, etc. as friends. I won’t do that. I don’t want to do these things as just friends. I want to do it as a couple. That or nothing.
I’m tired of settling for less. I’m not going to settle for “JUST FRIENDS”. It’s been like that for too long. Time for that to change.